I’ve never been the type of girl to dream about her wedding day.

I’ve never been the type of girl to fantasize about living in a house with a white picket fence out front and toddlers playing in the yard.

And I can’t imagine growing old with my husband by my side.

The thought of dedicating my entire life to another person sounds incredibly undesirable to me. Hear me out: the idea of falling in love and being in love until the day I die doesn’t sound too bad, but it’s all the things that come along with love that make me cringe at the thought. I don’t want to share everything I own, I don’t want to have to contemplate whether or not I can do something based on another person’s opinion about it, and I don’t want to lose my independence.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Aw. You’re just afraid of commitment. Once you find the right person, all that will be out of the window.”

You’re wrong.

I’m not afraid of commitment, I don’t like commitment. I don’t like not having the flexibility to do what I want, say what I want, and buy what I want because my husband doesn’t think it’s a good idea. In addition to that, I sure as hell don’t want kids. I can’t even understand why women want children so badly. They’re loud, they’re needy, they’re expensive, and they get germs everywhere! I swear, the zombie apocalypse will sprout from some kid sneezing without covering their nose and the whole world will become mayhem. Plus, the idea of growing another human body inside of my own while it simultaneously sucks up all of my food and nutrients, THEN having to go through the long and painful process of labor that will lead into 18 years of raising the kid doesn’t seem very pleasant in my eyes (but that could just be me).

In the same way, weddings are expensive. Extremely expensive! They’re all for show and people never really enjoy them anyway. Why would I spend all that money-especially when 50% of the marriages in America end in divorce?

Back to the point, if I could find a guy that doesn’t want to get married-or have a wedding rather, doesn’t want kids, doesn’t mind my ridiculous personality, and is still pretty attractive, I’d be golden. But my odds of that are slim, and I’m okay with that.

Just like the great Jen Kirkman said,”I’m going to die alone and I feel fine.”


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